Hello world. There's so much going on in my life right now, and so much that isn't. I'm 18 and legal. I've officially watched my first M18 movie in the cinema (Black Swan). I started Math tuition, first tuition I'm ever having in my life! I have theatre like, everyday after school in preparation for Alice In Wonderland(Chickened out of text auditions and joined costuming instead, don't judge). My first j2 exams start in slightly less than a week. And I'm fucking j2, about to sit for my A Levels in uh, 9 months?

Yet I feel like there's no meaning, no purpose in my life. I have no life, what with j2 workload and theatre taking up my entire living existence right now. I don't know what I'm doing in my life, with my life, apart from letting school drive it. I have no passion for anything anymore, whatever dreams I once held are now fading away and I feel like some disillusioned person. There's no time for me to check out new music, or to really listen to my existing music like how I used to; I hardly even write random lyrics on my notes/diary anymore, or play random songs in my head as much as I used to; and it sucks to know that I don't feel for music the same way as how I used to. And then there's no time for me to daydream anymore, and all my wanderlust and dreams about being a hippie musician are now slowly being destroyed. I really just don't know what I'm living for anymore, except to complete my JC life and the A-Levels, neither of which I feel for or wanna do.

What the fuck happened to my life, seriously? I miss Sec 4, it was a year of new music, discovery, adventures, youth, life. Despite whatever shit I went through during the O-Level period, at least I know I lived, felt and experienced life. And I honestly wanted to do well for O's, do myself and IJ proud. Now I just feel like a living zombie made to go through the A-Level system for no one's sake but for the education system's. And it's such a long road, will I ever survive through all this shit and get my life and motivation back?

I really just wanna run away from everything and go wandering around Europe right now :( Or I wish I were like, 100 times smarter than I really am, then I could go study whatever I want to in the future and have a brilliant career in whatever I choose to do and am happy doing.

Grrrrr for my sad and unfulfilling life x2437590723097690273 :'( Can't wait for Alice In Wonderland and the A-Levels to be OVERRRRRRRRRRRR.

9:21 PM;